8 Steps to help you get over a break up

It’s almost kind of the inevitable that at some point in your life someone will break your heart, or you’ll break theirs. If you’re lucky, you’ll never have to experience the pain of a break-up, and you and your partner will go the distance. If you’ve been through a break-up you know that it can feel like your life has been turned upside down. You invested so much time and energy in this person only for it to fail. Not only have I dealt with a break-up in my past, but I’ve also seen those closest people to me deal with them. I noticed how we all handle the aftermath so differently. Some people carry that hurt for years, others can go on with life like the person never existed. I’ve seen enough people hurt that I pretty much have figured out the steps to move past the heartbreak resulting from a break-up. If you find yourself having a hard time dealing with a break-up or moving on after a break-up I’ve got 8 tips for you below!

1. Delete all evidence of them from your life

I know it may hurt, but you have to start getting rid of all the things that are still tied to your ex. This includes but is not limited to: All pictures of them, any clothing items of theirs that you may have hanging around, deleting them off all social media and from your contact list. If it was specifically a very toxic break-up you may even want to block them altogether so that they can’t contact you. The only way to move forward without looking back is to get rid of the evidence. Instead of reminiscing, look to your future! A brighter future.

2. Hang out with your loved ones that bring you joy!

This is the best time to get out in the world and keep yourself busy. I feel like an idle mind and tons of free time is the wrong thing to have when you’re dealing with a heart break. Instead, go out with your friends and family! Go have fun! Go focus on all the great people that have stayed in your life and that are good to you. I can tell you right now sitting around alone is not going to make this process any easier. Go live life. It’s not going to 100% take away your sadness but I promise it’ll help!

3. Stop bringing him/ her up in conversation

Try to not bring up your ex at all, even when talking to your best friends. The more you bring him/her up the more they live on in your mind. You may be so used to talking about them that at first it seems like a task, but make it a priority to drop their name all together from your every day conversation. There is no reason to talk about this person anymore, good or bad.

4. Allow yourself to cry if you need to

If you need to cry, CRY. The only way to healthily move forward is to let out all that pain and hurt that’s inside. Sometimes in order to do that, you need a good cry. Let it out. Allow yourself to feel the sadness for that moment, but then recognize that you’ll have to move past that sadness at some point and focus on your healing.

5. Don’t go to functions that they’re going to be at

If you’ve developed a slight friendship with a mutual friend of theirs there may be a time that you’re invited to something that this person is at. If you truly don’t feel you are strong enough to handle physically being near this person yet, then DON’T GO! There is no sense in making yourself miserable by putting yourself anywhere near this person while you still are going through the motions of your post break-up feelings. He/She is single now, are you ready to witness what they may behave like while they’re single? Don’t sabotage yourself. Stay home and catch up with your friend another time.

6. Don’t try to date someone new if you’re not ready

One of the worst things you can do is try to date someone new knowing you aren’t ready. If you know you come with a ton of baggage from your last relationship then simply put, you need to stay single. Now is the time to focus on yourself and be selfish with your time. Get to know yourself and how you are when you’re alone. It’s not fair to the new person for you to date them if you still have any lingering thoughts about your ex. Take some time to heal, when you’re all better THEN go on that date!

7. Stop blaming yourself

You’ve got to stop beating yourself up for the break-up. Maybe you’re confused and you don’t know where you all went wrong. That doesn’t mean you did anything to make the relationship go left (unless you cheated lol). Sometimes relationships have expiration dates. I’m a firm believer that anyone God puts in our lives whether it be for a season or years, there’s always a reason or a lesson behind it. Maybe this experience was simply to help you grow as an individual. Don’t sit there and beat yourself up about it, if it didn’t last then it simply was not in Gods plan for you or them.

8. Throw yourself into your Work / Hobbies/ Passion

Now is the time where you have zero distractions. Take this emotion and let it be your fuel to be great! Take all this pent up negative energy and turn it into something positive. Start taking more time to work on the goals you’ve set for your career, hobby or passion. If you’re a blogger, start zoning in on that blog and how you’re going to grow it, if you’re a painter develop your business plan on how you’re going to sell more paintings. Throw yourself into what you love!

Those are some ways that you can start to get your life back after dealing with a break-up/heartache. I’m not saying some days won’t be harder than others, because there definitely will be times where there feels like a dark cloud is over your head. However, it’s up to you how long you will take to heal. It’s up to you if you want to turn this heartache around into you blossoming into a stronger and wiser individual. If you stick to everything I said you should start to feel back to your normal self really soon!

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One thought on “8 Steps to help you get over a break up

  1. Thanks for that dope advice! 🙏🏽 Break ups are hard and it always seems like you’re just stuck afterwards & have no clue what to do with yourself! I appreciate the advice!!

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